CasdraBlog

Five ideas I had when I was 14
1. My best friend, John Patten, and I should live in a fanciful treehouse with our future wives and a menagerie of mostly wild animals
2. There should be a national system where everyone has to get a permanent identifying mark so the police know who they are (my paternal grandmother informs this is fascism and that it's historically been frowned upon in the US)
3. People should give me a TV show where I can talk to all of my favorite performers from a variety of media. Early guests were slated to include John Schneider, Blackjack Mulligan Jr. (nee "Barry Windham"), and Devo.
4. Diane Lane (or possibly Jill Whelan) should kiss me deeply and often
5. I should be allowed to play Tic-Tac-Dough for money, from my home, since I got so many of the questions right every night.

Five ways I tend to feel after speaking with Sprint's Customer Service
1. Like I was just traded to another inmate for 2 packs of menthol cigarettes
2. Like I've been slapped repeatedly with a half-frozen sturgeon
3. Like I've accidentally just agreed to finish the homework of every kid in my middle school
4. Like somewhere in a big Sprint building, there's a fat man with a monocle and a top hat smoking a cigar while dancing a jig and holding a fat bag of five-dollar bills with my bewildered face on it
5. Very, very unclean